Dear Mom, I'm a PhD: An Open Letter on All That You Missed
- laurenfindsaway
- Oct 23, 2024
- 2 min read
Dear Mom,
Today I defend my dissertation and become doctor. After decades of education, I’ll finally have my PhD. I’m sorry you’ll miss it, just like I’m sorry for all of the important milestones you couldn’t be part of. My kindergarten school pictures, learning to read, shopping for my senior prom dress, giving my first invited conference talk, interviewing at Ivy League graduate schools, winning research awards, planning my wedding, and so many moments in-between. You missed them all.
Over the years, I’ve found myself in scenarios that remind me of what could have been. I’ve cried in dressing rooms with mothers and daughters next to me shopping for the perfect outfit for their special event. I’ve mourned the loss of a future that won’t exist, and I’ve grieved for the 10 year old girl that confronted her mom about her addiction outside of her elementary school. I have lived lifetimes without you.
It is all joy. I’ve serendipitously encountered special friends along the way who share in my unique brand of pain — those who have lost parents and loved ones to the same disease. I’ve been blessed with mentors who care, and I’ve learned to be the strength for myself. Today is one of those days, when I get to be strong for me. When they say those words, that I am officially doctor, I will celebrate with friends, colleagues, and loved ones, and I will say a prayer for you. If you ever come to realize all that you’ve missed, I hope God grants you the grace necessary to cope with the pain.
According to the United States National Survey on Drug Use and Health (NSDUH), 20.4 million American adults (7.9%) suffered from both a mental health disorder and a substance use disorder, or co-occurring disorders in the past year. October is Substance Use Prevention Month. If your life has been impacted by addiction, I encourage you to share your story with others.
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